You want to grow your career or your business. You know that networking is the best way to connect with the people who will help you move ahead. You know you should look forward to networking events.
What you know does not help you prepare for the dread you feel as you get ready for another networking event. It’s hard just to remember the names, much less to make your pitch and identify real opportunities. You always end up feeling like you talked too much or too little.
It only takes a simple five step process to get what you want from networking. Each of the steps is outlined below in enough detail so that you can really follow the instructions. The steps are based on a natural process for connecting well.
Step One: Know What You Want
Your first step is to form useful outcomes for this kind of event. If you go out thinking you will make a specific connection, you might be disappointed. If you go out without any expectations, you will never disappointed and you will never be productive. Where’s the middle ground?
There are three kinds of useful information you might get from anyone you meet while networking. As you speak to people, you will pick up information about the kinds of things people enjoy, and the kinds of places they gather. You will gather professional information (technical or business) about jobs, company and people in a given business. And you will learn ways of making effective connections in a variety of contexts. Being aware of all three kinds of outcomes ensures that you will find each of your connections useful.
Step Two: Connect without Words
The quality of connection you make is formed far too quickly for the words you have planned to make a difference. There is nothing you could say that would make as strong an impact as the desire to connect through shared expression, body language, movement and rhythm.
As someone catches your eye, allow your body to take on the postures, gestures and expressions you are seeing. Walk towards that person as though you had already had a terrific conversation. By the time you say your first words, you will already have formed an effective connection.
Step Three: Use Language to Build Agreement
We have been taught to spend hours crafting our message. In fact, we already know what appeals most to people: it’s the sound of someone agreeing with them. Two simple changes in your language habits will allow you to agree more often without changing your mind about anything.
The first is to use “yes” as often as possible. You may have heard that it is helpful to use “yes” instead of “but.” You could also practice replacing “uh” or “um” with “yes.” The more often you say “yes” the more quickly you will build rapport.
The second is to simply repeat back the exact words someone has said to you. Don’t paraphrase: just pick up a phrase or sentence and use it in when you pick up your part of the conversation. When your words match, you create room for your interests to match, too.
Step Four: Use Questions to Direct the Conversation
It’s hard enough to focus on a conversation without editing your questions to make sure they are significant and appropriate. A better way to have a conversation is to use questions to become more general (to move away from a topic) or to become more specific (to focus on a topic). Practice moving in when you’re meeting an outcome and moving out when the connection is weaker.
Step Five: Step into the Future
You’ve met someone and talked and noticed progress toward your outcomes. The final step is to notice whether this is a connection you want to continue. If so, begin the ending of this encounter with references to the future. Say something like, “when I think about this next week” or “when we connect at that upcoming conference.” I know that as you begin to apply these 5 steps, you’ll want to seek out more information about connecting better.
Linda Ferguson, Ph.D. is a senior partner at NLP Canada Training Inc. in Toronto, Canada. With her partner, Chris Keeler, Linda develops training that allows people to experience stronger integrity and better results. Clients experience rapid, sustainable change and long-term learning about how their thinking drives success. Drawing on fields from the arts to business to neuroscience, NLP Canada Training Inc. provides spring-training for the mind: clients sharpen their perceptions, focus their efforts, and become better at knowing what they want and communicating to get it. Read more from Linda at http://www.nlpcanada.com or http://www.squidoo.com/integratedthinking or http://www.nlpcanadatraining.blogspot.com
Tags: 5 steps, body language, catches, contexts, desire, disappointed, dread, expectations, expression, expressions, gestures, language movement, look forward, movement and rhythm, networking event, networking events, pitch
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