Most happily married couples will admit that finding time for making love is difficult when children are in the house. The loving couple will make dates with each other to steal away when the children are at a friend’s house or otherwise occupied. These parents understand that their child does not need to be aware of their sexual lives. If this child sees his parents treat each other with loving displays of affection, he or she will see love. Yet even this child will be traumatized if he walks in on his parents during lovemaking. The rules need not be different after a divorce.
When you begin dating again, it is natural for the hope you feel to encourage you to move too quickly into new relationships. Until you become comfortable with yourself in a new relationship and with the couple it created, it is extremely difficult to be an effective parent. You or your child will try to find a way to express the discomfort. Children act out; parents get frustrated. The tension may place a strain on your new relationship. So the challenge is to balance meeting your own needs within the context of your child’s world.
The intoxication of new love can shift priorities. Even the most conscientious parents can lose sight of family stability. You may risk involving your child too quickly at the start of a relationship because you may come to believe in the economy of combining your time with your child and your new lover.
Being an unattached adult building a new life while being a responsible parent is difficult. Some children will not approve of anyone if they fear they can be replaced. Others will seem to bond with everyone, especially when they are lonely or seeking approval. Your child’s reaction to your new friends will tell you how separate or connected he or she feels and can serve as a guide to help you gauge how well your child is adjusting to his or her life after the divorce.
If you are drawn to someone who does not seem to have your child’s best interests at heart, keep that person out of your child’s life. When you have met someone wonderful, be a couple before you try to be a family.
Cheryl Grabenstein, author of The Divorced Parent’s Challenge, is available for speaking engagements, interviews and offers her support to divorce groups in Maryland, DC and Virginia. She was an RN for 20 years, focusing on maternal child education and program development. She has conducted stress management seminars and started one of the first health education programs in the country. She holds a Masters of Education in Counseling from George Mason University and is a member of the elite Johns Hopkins Fellows Program.
The Divorced Parent’s Challenge is Cheryl’s first book
ISBN: 978-0-972044-0-1
Available on http://www.thedivorcedparentschallenge.com
Amazon.com
Special order in major bookstores
Contact Information
Cheryl Grabenstein
cell: 301 570-8020
e-mail: cheryl@thedivorcedparentschallenge.com
divorcedparentschallenge.com
Tags: dating, dating after divorce, divorce, divorced parents, single father, single mother, single parent
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